


True Grit

by bugmadoo



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence, M/M, Post ONS Reveal, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 23:18:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11747247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bugmadoo/pseuds/bugmadoo
Summary: Robert and Aaron reconcile.





	True Grit

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this the week before the ONS reveal 26th May but I didn't finish it before the episode aired so I just left it but since I'm procrastinating on writing my Big Bang I actually finished it!! It still kind of fits, actually. So here it is, hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Title from [True Grit by Joywave](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5xIzzFPTvk)

The door of the Mill is open when Robert approaches it and he wonders if Aaron simply forgot to close it or if he wants Robert to let himself in. He stands there, frozen and undecided, and it squashes the silent hope he didn’t know has been blossoming in his chest.

Robert raises his fist to knock on the open door, but there’s no response. Instead it sings open even further.

“Aaron?” he calls, not loud, not quiet. Again, there’s no response.

He pushes the door open slowly and peaks inside. Robert’s eyes have no trouble finding Aaron. He’s sitting at the kitchen table, sunk shoulders, his back towards the door, wearing funeral black. It makes Robert’s heart ache.

“Aaron?” he tries again. This time the reaction is the opposite of nothing. Aaron snaps out of his thoughts and jumps out of his seat, eyebrows raised and eyes wide. It doesn’t last long. Aaron visibly relaxes when he spots Robert, but Robert raises his hands anyway and says “It’s just me.”

Aaron nods and looks at the floor, shuffles his feet. Robert lets his hands sink again slowly, his eye roaming up and down Aaron’s frame. He hasn’t seen him just as long as they haven’t spoken and even though it’s only been a week, Robert can tell the differences. Aaron has exhaustion crawling all over his body, dragging him down and making his muscles tense. His beard is longer than the last time Robert’s seen him and the bags below his eyes are dark, purple almost black.

The guilt that Robert has been carrying around with him grows even heavier, even though he thought that wasn’t possible. He thought he’d never feel guiltier about sleeping with Rebecca then after he told Aaron the truth. He remembers every accusation and insult Aaron had thrown Robert’s way in his anger. The way Aaron’s voice had broken when he had said  _ You promised, Robert … you promised _ . It’s just one of the things that keep him awake at night.

But seeing the result of his confession on Aaron surpasses anything that came before. It crushes his lungs, exhaling in a hazy breath, and causing a familiar burn behind his eyes. He blinks it away because now is not the time, and takes a deep breath.

“Your text said you wanted me to come over,” Robert starts hesitantly. “But I can leave again … if you want to.”

“No,” Aaron says, looking up, “Stay. I need to talk to you.”

The blue of Aaron’s eyes turns icy as they bore into Robert’s. His skin starts prickling with heat and not in a good way. Robert isn’t too much of an optimistic person, but he doesn’t think this conversation is going to go the way he’s hoping.

Robert crosses the distance between them and stops three feet in front of Aaron, a feeling of pins and needles spreading in his fingers because he is close enough to touch, but he can’t. Instead, he tries to meet Aaron’s eyes that seem even bluer now that he’s leaning against one of the columns, but it’s hard, Aaron’s stare intense and relentless. It feels like Aaron is reading his mind, looking right into him, looking deeper than anyone has ever dared to before.

The silence between them is deafening and growing louder by the second. Robert wishes it would go away, desperately, but he doesn’t know what to say. The ball is in Aaron’s court and Robert is terrified of putting one foot out of line in case it causes Aaron to change his mind. Finally, Aaron breaks the silence.

“You really hurt me,” Aaron says, his voice trembling ever so slightly, betraying his exterior.

Robert closes his eyes, a slow blink. When he opens them again, Aaron is still there and he doesn’t know why but he takes it as a good sign.

“I know,” he says and his voice matches Aaron’s. It’s all Robert’s been able to think about ever since it happened.

“You did exactly what you always said you wouldn’t. You betrayed me and everything we built together and I barely slept since you told me.”

Robert nods towards the floor, unable to meet Aaron’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, Aaron, I can’t tell you-“

“But I still love you.”

Robert’s head snaps up, and he can feel his eyes growing wide and the unshed tears hanging in his lashes turning slightly colder.

That doesn’t sound right. Aaron should be angry, should be furious and chuck Robert out without a second thought, count his blessings and move on, find someone better who won’t always just hurt him. Robert opens his mouth to respond but Aaron is talking before Robert can say anything.

“I don’t want to through everything away after all we’ve been through. It meant too much.”

His thoughts race through his head faster than he can process them and time feels like it’s slowing down as he stares at Aaron, trying to gauge the intent behind that sentence. “Aaron, you don’t owe me anything. If you’re only saying that because of some good thing I did in the past then you really shouldn’t. I don’t deserve it.”

“No,” Aaron says, takes a deep breath, wipes his fingers over his cheeks, “I’m saying it because it’s true.”

Robert opens his mouth but he doesn’t really know what to say. He’d been hoping for this, hoping that this was the beginning of them working things out and finding back to each other, but now he realizes that he’d never thought it would really happen. He’s at a loss as to what to do now.

“What … what do you want to do now?”

Aaron swallows before he answers. “I need us to take it slow – properly this time. And I … I want to forgive you.”

Robert’s heart jumps in his chest, hammering loudly, echoing in his head. “What I did was … you don’t have to forgive me for that, Aaron. I’d get it.”

“I might not have to, but I want to.”

He feels as if his body suddenly weighs half as much as it did a minute ago.

Aaron moves finally, and crosses the distance between them. Robert can barely believe how close he is and he has the childish impulse of wanting to pinch himself to see if this is really happening. Aaron is standing right there, looking softer and more vulnerable than he did earlier and before Robert really knows how, Aaron is cupping his cheek and leans their foreheads against each other. Robert draws in a breath like a drowning man, gulps of air that still don’t seem to contain enough oxygen to satisfy his lungs. He can smell Aaron, the same smell he’s always had, and Robert doesn’t know why he expected it to be different. Aaron’s fingers tighten around the nape of Robert’s neck.

“Please don’t ever hurt me like that again,” Aaron whispers into the narrow space between them.

Robert almost winces, but manages to stop himself in the last moment. His entire chest is aching and for a second he asks himself how often a heart can break before stops working entirely. He swallows.

“I can’t go through something like this again, Robert.”

He wants to promise Aaron, wants to swear, he’s never going to hurt him ever again, but he can’t. He made a promise like that, not once but several times, and he still ended up breaking it. Right now, he doesn’t have the right to promise anything, he thinks.

Robert lifts his hand and grips the back of Aaron’s head. The short hairs beneath his fingers are soft and inviting, and Robert wants to cling on for as long as possible. He tries to say something, tries to put any of his thoughts into words, but they all the stuck in his throat and don’t make it any further. Instead, he nods, the skin of his forehead rubbing against Aaron’s and he pinches his eyes shut. The next time Robert inhales it feels a lot lighter than it has in a long time and the relief he feels is so unexpected, he feels the burning behind his eyes return.

The thought that he doesn’t deserve Aaron’s forgiveness echoes through his mind, trying to drown out everything else, but Robert is trying his best not to. This is not the last argument they’re going to have, but that fact that he hasn’t lost Aaron, at least not yet, helps mute it.

**Author's Note:**

> [ softrobertsugden.tumblr.com](http://softrobertsugden.tumblr.com)


End file.
